This statement is true. This statement is oh so very true, but it does not feel real. My whole life, I have been battling wanting mind. Recently I am beginning to notice it in the strangest places. Cravings for food, wanting my yard to be mowed without my effort, wanting to be happy, wanting muscles to stop hurting, wanting time to ride my bike, wanting wasps to stop building nests in my yard and stinging me. Wanting a coffee pot even though I have two. How crazy is that? Who knew there was so much want in my life.
Still, it is not about the things or events that I want, how could I not have realized that. Wanting is a habit. Wanting is something that protects me from my own abusive thoughts. You see, if my life were different, then… only then would I be able to say I was enough. But the truth is, I am enough now. I am enough of the person my circumstances have raised me to be. I am enough to be who I am supposed to be. My wanting actually just gets in the way of my being enougher. A new word is needed because more would not describe this quality quite right. A buddhist teacher once said “You are perfect just as you are, and you could use a little improvement”. This is my quest for being OK. For being who I am in this moment without apology. For moving forward to who I will be with confidence. This all sounds good, but wanting mind is lurking around the corner. But today I have a reply…. I am enough, thus I have enough.